Grand Theft Otto: Simpsons as Gritty ’80s Crime Drama by Dan LuVisi

Otto would have never imagined Bart Simpson to bring him to this point in his life.

Otto was happy with the type of living situation he was currently in. As a bus driver for Springfield Middle School, Otto only had one priority: assuring the safety of the children he drove every weekday.

On the way home, Bart pulled Otto aside before his stop, and told him he’d like to invite him over for dinner. After a nice meal by Mrs.Simpson, Bart’s father, Homer, sat down with Otto and explained who he was.

When not working at the Power Plant, Homer worked for Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofsky, otherwise known as Krusty the Klown. Krusty had been running a “under-the-radar” drug business (Krusty’s Kocaine) under the front of his restaurant, Krusty Burger.

But after their recent driver, Moe, died of a heart-attack, they were now in need of a new one. The job was simple. Otto would take Homer and his gang (Lenny, Carl, and Barney) to the Springfield Bank, and drive them out after they robbed it.

Otto agreed, but little did he know the trap he was about to set foot into. As this would be one of the wildest rides he had ever taken.

Once Otto was hired as the getaway driver, Krusty knew that if this heist was to be pulled off, they would need muscle as well.

Krusty suggested to head of his gang, Homer, that they enlist two of his personal drug runners, Lenny and Carl, otherwise known as Krusty’s Kocaine Cowboys. Both hustlers had been distributing Krusty’s Koke through the Krusty Burger front for years now, and had help Krusty bring in hundreds of thousands from off shore accounts over the months.

Before they ran Krusty’s drug distribution Lenny and Carl had sold and distributed drugs in Russia for years prior. Krusty had been on tour in Europe, and was introduced to both off-stage. He quickly realized their potential and set both of them up in Springfield, both with luxurious homes and rides.

However, not much was known about the two. Rumors of Lenny being in the Russian mafia flew around Springfield once he settled, and his tattoo’s didn’t help. Carl didn’t speak much, but everyone knew that when he did, you had better shut your goddamn mouth and listen.

The two kept a low profile, only making moves when they were required. This is why Krusty hired them. He trusted both, and for a reason, one Homer wouldn’t be able to understand.

Because if this heist was to truly be accomplished, it would require Homer’s son Bart.

If they were to pull off Krusty’s heist, they were going to need a distraction, and Bart was best at that. Homer thought it was a stupid idea, but the money was too good to say no.

The next day, Bart and Otto arrived at Homer’s house and readied up. They were to meet Lenny and Carl at the Springfield Bank where they robbery was supposed to take place.

Bart walked into the bank, and immediately began his stint, taking the security guards by surprise. And then Homer took over, bashing both in the head with his rifle and walking in, commanding every one to get down.

As the duffel bags were filled with cash, Lenny and Carl went to the larger dafe in the back. Homer watched guard, as Lenny and Carl finished their gig. After they destroyed the civilian’s cell phones and took out the phone lines, the group left.

Homer rushed to Lenny’s car, pushing Bart in. As he went to hand the duffel bag to Lenny, he was stopped with a cold Duff beer, courtesy of Lenny

“Hey Homer, you’re gonna need this.”

Boom. A gunshot went off, straight into Homer’s leg. Homer dropped to his knees, as Lenny pushed him over. In the back of car, Bart struggled as Carl tried to contain him.

“We don’t need the money, we got what we came for.” The car drove off, speeding away as Homer regained his strength.

Chief Wiggum’s police sirens grew louder as Homer got up, awaiting his final demise. He leaned up against a parked police car, taking out a loaded .45 pistol and cracked open his beer. As he took a sip, the rest of the boys in blue surrounded him, guns armed.

Homer smiled and said one final word.

“Doh.”